2009-11-18 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Thanksgiving.What does it mean to us as Americans? That's easy: a four-day weekend.But what did Thanksgiving mean to our founding fathers? What did Thanksgiving mean to the Pilgrims? And what did Thanksgiving mean to Prehistoric Man? (Nothing. He couldn't speak English. What's wrong......
2009-11-11 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I hate it when someone I consider a social icon — someone who helped mold my character and make me the person I am today — passes away and their death gets little notice, by which I mean no flags at half-staff.I refer here to the death of Soupy Sales, the genius who, for m......
2009-11-04 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
This week, let's focus on recent national and local news stories because, quite frankly, folks, I can't dream up this stuff.First, we had that Northwest Airlines flight that overshot an airport in Minneapolis, Minn., by 150 miles.I don't know about you, but when I am on ......
2009-10-28 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Friday is Trick or Treat Night across Lancaster County. From 6 to 8 p.m., children will go door-to-door dressed in the silly costumes of a clown, Spider-Man or a Supreme Court justice.Are county officials kidding? What child is capable of covering enough homes to obtain tons of candy in ju......
2009-10-21 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It's nice to know that America isn't the only country where clueless politicians come up with screwball ideas.Don't get me wrong, our government leaders have goofball ideas aplenty. How else can you explain trade legislation that allows U.S. industries to ship jobs overseas so ......
2009-10-14 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today's topic is knees, those parts of your leg that are a major source of football injuries.Sports commentator: Jingleheimer takes the snap and he fades back. He's looking deep for a receiver. He avoids one tackler. Now he avoids another tackler, and he's runn......
2009-10-07 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
This week we will review big stories in the news, which is where I always turn when I am totally out of column ideas.I see that Lancaster General wants to build a hospital near Ephrata, about a mile from my front door. That would be handy because, currently, my closest hospital is......
2009-09-30 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I am becoming my grandfather.No, I'm not doing the Norman Bates thing of dressing like him and going around looking for women to stab in the shower. I mean in more subtle ways that do not require smoking unfiltered Camel cigarettes.When I went to live with my grandparents in 195......
2009-09-23 00:00:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
As you read this, I am at the Ephrata Fair.OK, if you're reading this at 7 a.m., I'm not at the fair. I'm probably asleep. But I'll be at the fair later.One of Lancaster County's finest traditions, even better than Fasnacht Day, is the local fair. So, as a lifelong Ephrata boy, for ......
2009-09-16 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Well, the cat's really out of the bag now. Last week, Jon Gosselin announced on "Good Morning America" that he loves his girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, "more than I did Kate."Thus, the comic-opera saga of "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" goes on. And on, and on, ......
2009-09-09 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I'm so excited. Wedding Central is now available from some cable TV providers; it's weddings, dating and relationships 24/7.Can TV get any better?Excitement-wise, it's right up there with C-SPAN and the Golf Channel.Having survived my daughter's nuptials last ......
2009-09-02 00:02:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I'm becoming forgetful. I was cleaning out old e-mails and came across one from Freshpair.com, an underwear retailer, announcing that Aug. 5 was National Underwear Day. It totally slipped my mind. I didn't even get my Happy Underwear Day......
2009-08-26 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
There are some things I will not do.For example, I refuse to go into a Starbucks coffee shop and order a "grande"- or "venti"-sized drink. I much prefer the words medium or large as opposed to Klingon or whatever language Starbucks uses.On the other hand, when it......
2009-08-19 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
You long-time readers doubtless know that when I am not busy writing this column or a news story that includes such gripping words as "sewage module" or "storm-water retention basin," I am writing actual books.Yes, spending my free time writing is like Tiger Woods takin......
2009-08-12 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
On Nov. 3, 1964, Edward Mukaka Nkoloso, director of the Zambia National Academy of Space Research (really!), was quoted as saying he expected to have Zambian astronauts on the moon by 1965.His launching system was "derived from the catapult," he said, and he was preparing astrona......
2009-08-05 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
When the Russians beat us into space in 1957 with the launch of Sputnik, America took the setback with stoic grace and calmness. Not!America is the birthplace of overreaction, and we had doomsayers such as John Reinhart, of Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory, telling us, "No matter......
2009-07-29 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Unless you are one of those conspiracy-theory wackos who thinks it never happened, July 20 marked the 40th anniversary of the first moon landing.Like millions worldwide, I recall sitting in front of the TV that Sunday night, watching Neil Armstrong come down the ladder and take that first ......
2009-07-22 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I care about you, my loyal readers, which is why I search far and wide to bring you items that are not just newsworthy, but reflect the proud heritage of Lancaster County.Which is why today's topic is outhouse racing.To cover this popular event, I ventured to Terre Hill and the ......
2009-07-15 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Among the requirements for being a columnist is to be observant, for it is from everyday life that I gather my material. And if life fails to provide, I make stuff up.But usually life comes through.For example, I see from our letters to the editor that people feel the death and fune......
2009-07-13 10:00:00
LORI VAN INGEN
Joanne Horst is slowed by arthritis and hip and knee replacements, but she still wants to help others less fortunate.The retired Witmer postmaster found her niche crocheting for children at Pine Ridge Indian Reservation."Shortly after I married, I had a temporary job and saw an......
2009-07-08 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Saturday was the Fourth of July, the day we celebrate American independence and the deeds of such patriots as George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and Mel Gibson.Their great accomplishments occurred in Colonial times, when Pittsburgh was the western frontier and few towns......
2009-07-01 00:29:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It has been a strange week here at Lancaster Newspapers with the merger of the Intelligencer Journal and the Lancaster New Era.For New Era subscribers, it probably has been a major change.You might be used to coming home from work and finding your newspaper wherever it landed, possi......
2009-06-24 00:04:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Unless you just awoke from a coma, you recall that last week President Barack Obama killed a fly while taping a TV interview.The fly was buzzing around Obama's head, prompting the interviewer to say he had never seen such a persistent fly. This was a clear indication that the interview......
2009-06-17 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
This summer I've taken to wearing colorful Hawaiian-style shirts. That is to say, my wife likes colorful Hawaiian-style shirts and thought I might look good in them and has bought me several.Buying clothes they feel men would enjoy wearing is just something women do. It's part of t......
2009-06-10 00:31:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I just checked the Weather Channel on TV. I wanted to make sure hell hadn't frozen over.The reason I suspected this might have occurred is that I find myself agreeing with a letter to the editor written by fellow Ephratian Anna Mae Ressler. I know Anna Mae and, politically, we don'......
2009-06-03 01:21:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I recently drove by a pond and saw some kids fishing, and I was sort of amazed.It caused me to wonder: How many kids still fish these days?I'm sure there are computer games in which one can "travel" to a virtual lake. You can engage in a lengthy "fight" with ......
2009-05-29 01:06:00
STAFF REPORT
An editor, reporters and a photographer whose work appeared in the Intelligencer Journal in 2008 captured prizes in statewide journalism contests.Awards in a contest sponsored by Pennsylvania Associated Press Managing Editors will be presented tonight.Keystone Press Awards from the ......
2009-05-27 01:31:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I'm glad my daughter isn't a child anymore, for how would I tell Sarah that Santa Claus has died.I'm not talking about the jolly old elf at the North Pole with the flying reindeer, the guy who leaves gifts under our Christmas trees and gobbled down milk and cookies until the he......
2009-05-20 01:16:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Mankind will never be perfect because it is so arbitrary, unlike nature. When nature says something like, "Never spit into the wind," it means it. Whereas mankind will reply, "Yeah, but what if … ."Nature is absolute and irrefutable, a good example being it's......
2009-05-13 01:21:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
What's happening to Lancaster County?First we had "unrepentant terrorist" William Ayers at Millersville University spreading his radical philosophies on how to improve inner city schools.Then Richard Wolff, a professor of economics at the University of Massachusetts Am......
2009-05-06 01:35:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Imagine this.You're in the White House military office, and it's decided that you have about $300,000 to spare.Who knows where it came from. Maybe it came from the Pentagon budget, or maybe from some government finance committee. Or maybe it was found between the sofa cushio......
2009-04-29 00:41:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Don't ever accuse me of not listening to readers.It's been suggested that I run a new photo with this column, so here it is.Taken when I was in first grade, it is significant in that it marks my initial step into rebelliousness, which eventually led to my complete corruption......
2009-04-22 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
We delay the start of this week's column to bring you this important and extremely self-serving commercial.In case you want a signed copy of my new book, "Shadows In the Jungle," I will be at the Borders Bookstore across from Park City Center on Saturday starting at 2 p.m. Br......
2009-04-15 01:23:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Recently, I wrote a column about state symbols and how our elected officials — who seem to take forever to accomplish most things — can swiftly agree to make the Slinky the state toy.In the column, I referred to our legislators as "yahoos," which offended reader Ken B......
2009-04-08 01:21:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
When will Millersville University ever learn?First it invited William Ayers — a 1960s radical who showed his opposition to U.S. policies by bombing government buildings, and who is, incidentally, unrepentant — to speak on campus.Now, thanks to an alert reader, I understa......
2009-04-01 01:44:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I don't know how you feel, but I sympathize with Marie Douglas-David, the 36-year-old Swedish countess who's divorcing her wealthy husband, some cheapskate who is offering her a mere $43 million as they part ways.She has claimed $53,000 in weekly living expenses and is seeking $99 ......
2009-03-25 00:02:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Sometimes I fret over what we at the newspaper deem newsworthy. And I don't just mean now, but in the past as well.For example, a big hoopla was made over Bill Ayers speaking at Millersville University because, decades ago, he was a radical.But we don't cover every radical w......
2009-03-18 01:43:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Did you ever host a party and worry that no one would show up, leaving you all alone and wearing a stupid paper hat? I find myself in that situation. Minus the hat.I'm not hosting a party in the traditional sense. There won't be finger food, such as heavily processed chunks of some......
2009-03-11 01:21:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
For those of you who believe your elected representatives in Harrisburg are a bunch of yahoos who do nothing all day except think up annoying new laws or decide who can and cannot speak in public, and really don't earn their pay, think again.They are, in fact, a bunch of yahoos who are......
2009-03-04 02:32:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today we continue our look back at 2008.Best-suited?In politics, John McCain won the GOP presidential nomination with his slogan, "I'm an old white guy in a suit."After accepting the endorsement, he retired to his hotel and took a power......
2009-02-25 01:26:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Before we delve into recent news items, I want to acknowledge the folks who commented on last week's column. The piece was about Republicans in Congress — let's call them No-it-Alls — who would vote down anything President Barack Obama suggests, even a bill officially naming t......
2009-02-18 00:46:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
If you're a Marx Brothers fan like I am and have noticed how the Republicans in Washington react to anything President Barack Obama proposes, you've probably said to yourself, "Hey! I've seen this movie before!"The movie, of course, is "Horse Feathers," in w......
2009-02-11 01:34:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Tomorrow would be Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday, and you know what that means: If he was not dead, he'd be eligible to run on the GOP ticket in 2012.Seriously, Lincoln's birthday is a big deal. More than 1,000 cards have arrived at Illinois' Old State Capitol in the past......
2009-02-04 00:59:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today, we continue our month-by-month reflection on 2008 with a look at February.February 2008 brought us Groundhog Day, that special day each year when people watch a flea-infested rodent crawl out of its lair, see its shadow (or not) and somehow — scientists are still trying to fig......
2009-01-28 01:22:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Because I'm an American who writes books and gets periodic royalty checks, each year I must pay self-employment taxes that are, it seems, equal to the national debt (1 jillion dollars).Had I failed to pay those taxes for, say, three years, I might have met the criteria to be President ......
2009-01-21 01:07:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
On May 10, 2000, then-presidential candidate George W. Bush said, "I think we can agree, the past is over."That astute observation was never more true than on Tuesday, when the Bush presidency officially ended and the Obama administration began.It seems America has turned ......
2009-01-14 01:52:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It snowed Saturday, giving my wife and me an opportunity to sit in our cozy easy chairs and watch our favorite winter snow movie, "The Thing."OK, so it's not Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, but in my opinion it's the best science-fiction movie ever made. (I can hear millions ......
2009-01-07 00:55:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
As part of my never-ceasing desire to find newer and wordier ways to eat up newspaper space without having to produce anything of lasting importance, I have decided to add a new feature to my column.Starting this month, and for once a month hereafter, I will take a look back at the same mo......
2008-12-31 01:32:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I had made a New Year's resolution to stop whining about how modern technology takes the fun out of being a kid today.Then I read about the new Cloud 9 wagon from Radio Flyer.Do you remember the Radio Flyer wagon? If you were like me, you probably even had one. They were red and......
2008-12-24 01:00:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
We're happy to have with us today the one and only Santa Claus, who despite his hectic schedule has agreed to an interview.Q: Hello, Santa. Thanks for stopping by.A: Glad to do it. After all, you've been a good boy this year. Although there ......
2008-12-17 01:52:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
My daughter thinks our Christmas tree is tacky.It's artificial and stands about 3 feet tall. It has green branches, plus a few silver ones that contain fiber-optic strands that light up and change colors thanks to a rotating color wheel in the base.OK. Maybe Sarah's correct.......
2008-12-10 01:25:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
On Monday, Manheim Township commissioners approved a plan that could pave the way for the widening of Fruitville Pike and the construction of (drumroll!) another shopping center.I cover Manheim Township and have reported on the project, so I don't want to comment too much.Howeve......
2008-12-03 01:45:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Wrapping up my series on my trip to Europe with World War II "Band of Brothers" veteran Forrest Guth, I think that, history aside, what impressed me most about Europe was that it contains unicorns.Not really. But it does contain something almost as rare; courteous truck drivers....
2008-11-26 01:16:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today we pick up where we left off last week.I recently returned from touring World War II battlefields in Europe, which I visited in preparation for writing a book titled "In the Footsteps of the Band of Brothers." The book will be a memoir/travelogue, which is why I to......
2008-11-19 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I just returned from two weeks overseas, and the one question people keep asking me is, "How did you find Europe?"Actually, I let the airplane pilot find Europe (I suspect he took off from Philadelphia International Airport and turned left).The purpose of my trip was ......
2008-11-12 01:44:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
You often hear parents discussing the tall tales their kids tell them.You know what I mean: "I walked into the room and found the walls covered with paintings of creatures that could either be cows or space aliens, and my kid's hands are dripping the colors of the rainbow as h......
2008-11-05 00:15:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I was sitting in my car at a minimart, grabbing a bite of lunch and taking in the scenery, which in this particular instance was a stack of red plastic milk cases.Did you ever really look at one of those things? Did you notice the warning printed on them that points out the punishments for......
2008-10-29 01:37:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Well, Sarah's wedding day is over.The day her mother and I planned for, agonized over and, yes, paid for, came and went in a flurry of emotions, joy and tears.Some of the blubbering was from me because, like an idiot, I requested the disc jockey play "When You Wish Upon a S......
2008-10-22 02:06:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I'm getting ready for the big party.No, I don't mean the celebration we will have when Barack Obama thrashes John McCain on Election Day. Heck, I won't even be here to crack open the champagne for that one — I hope to be scooping up a keepsake bottle of sand on Omaha Beac......
2008-10-15 01:25:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I was channel surfing the other day, and, boy, was that a mistake.Whatever happened to interesting television shows that had such innovations as characters and plots?One of the worst shows I came across — and believe me, I had plenty to choose from — was "Paris Hilt......
2008-10-08 02:34:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
If the campaign posters polluting our landscape and the empty promises polluting our airwaves didn't clue you in, I have news for you: It's Election Time.Even though I'm a registered Democrat — for many Lancaster County residents, that's on par with being a registered......
2008-10-01 01:58:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
They say you can't go home again, and that's true. At least, not to stay. But sometimes you can visit, and that's what I did over the weekend.It was the 40-year reunion of Ephrata High School's Class of 1968, which, of the 186 known class members out of 207 who are still li......
2008-09-24 01:24:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I know folks who are still waiting to share in that prosperity Anne Beiler talked about.Beiler, of Auntie Anne's soft pretzel fame, recently addressed the Republican National Convention, where she spoke of "prosperity" in America that has "made us a shining star for othe......
2008-09-17 01:45:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Boy, did I get my comeuppance.A reader, upset by my column about vice presidential selections, accused me of denigrating the people of Alaska. This got my attention, and I immediately ran to our library, where I ripped open a......
2008-09-10 01:36:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Leadership. That's the word on the tip of everyone's tongue this election season.Who is most qualified to lead this country? What will the next four — or eight years — bring? Where is this country headed economically, morally and socially? Will the Phillies re-sign Pat ......
2008-09-03 01:46:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
OK, I give up. What happened to the real John McCain?I'm convinced Democrats, hoping to sabotage the GOP presidential campaign, kidnapped McCain and replaced him with a lunatic clone. That's the only reason, as far as I can tell, for McCain choosing Sarah Palin as his vice presiden......
2008-08-27 01:29:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Before they died, our Founding Fathers saddled us with the requirement that we hold a presidential election every fourth year, preceded by three years of campaigning.Currently, the Democrats are holding their nominating convention in Denver, Colo., after which the Republicans will hold the......
2008-08-20 01:46:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The newspaper headline was dire: "Pay raises to fall short of inflation."Excuse me for stating the obvious, but isn't that like saying "Sun to rise at dawn" or "Congressman to be indicted"?Honestly, do any of you expect your pay raise — if by ......
2008-08-13 00:32:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It's nice to see that gas prices are easing back.You notice I said "easing back" rather than "dropping." That's because "dropping" implies falling rapidly, and the only thing gas prices do rapidly is go up.But that's how they work. Whenever ......
2008-08-06 01:27:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It's August, fall is approaching and Halloween is just 12 weeks away. You know what that means.Correct! Any day now, stores will start putting out their Christmas items.As a public service to you, my readers, I will endeavor this holiday season to call to your attention some spe......
2008-07-30 02:14:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
We recently held a drop-in memorial gathering for my wife's older sister, Janet Trotto.Although Janet died in May at her home in Rehoboth Beach, Del., she was, for most of her life, a Lancaster girl. Back then she was Janet Rhoads, and with her late husband, Don, is best remembered loc......
2008-07-23 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
My write-in presidential campaign is gaining momentum, but there are times when I'm not sure if I'm up to the job. I don't know if I can match the silliness of the guys already in office.Take my own party, for example. In Harrisburg, the Democrats are mired in Bonusgate, an ide......
2008-07-09 01:40:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I was sitting in my doctor's office recently and flipping through a Newsweek magazine that was older than my physician. (The lead story was that the president and his cabinet were fearful that Adolf Hitler might invade Poland.)Anyway, while I was reading about President Roosevelt's......
2008-07-02 01:55:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Do you ever feel like the last living brain cell in a dead body?I do every time I'm standing in the supermarket checkout line and I scan the headlines of magazines that, I assume, pass for intelligent publications.As I stand waiting for the lady in front of me to sort through he......
2008-06-25 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Leave it to the Japanese.Did you see where they've developed a car that does not run on gasoline?That's right. The Honda FCX Clarity runs on hydrogen and electricity, which is cool until one remembers that, back in 1937 at Lakehurst, N.J., it was a mixture of hydrogen and el......
2008-06-18 01:26:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The following is a message for filmmaker Spike Lee:Hey, Spike, lighten up, will ya?Spike recently berated fellow director Clint Eastwood, saying Eastwood's films, "Letters from Iwo Jima" and "Flags of Our Fathers," fail to depict the contributions of black so......
2008-06-11 02:17:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The primaries are finally over, and the last two candidates left standing are Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain.Obama, much maligned by the Republican goof-ball fringe for being an al-Qaida terrorist, is a young, eager candidate with big dreams of universal health care, more jobs and a be......
2008-06-04 02:00:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
As if I need yet one more reminder that I am aging, last Wednesday marked the 40th anniversary of my high school graduation. And you know what that means, don't you?That's correct. It's time for that sadistic ritual known as "The Class Reunion."Our class, Ephra......
2008-05-28 01:27:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Are you as intimidated by modern technology as I am?Seriously, it seems like every electronic gizmo from computers to can openers, can surf the Web.I'm thinking particularly here of cell phones, having just bought my daughter a new one.I remember a time when phones had ju......
2008-05-21 02:05:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The following is an intelligence test for gas station owners, so listen up:Say I pull into your station, where you are selling gas for $3.859 per gallon, and I buy exactly 1 gallon of gas. (Careful! Here comes the tricky part.)How much change should you give me if I put $3.86 on the......
2008-05-14 02:03:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Last week I shared with you the good news that Armstrong World Industries CEO Michael D. Lockhart was paid more than $10 million in 2007, which included a 58 percent raise, while the once-vibrant company continued to go down the economic toilet.At least it was good news from Lockhart's......
2008-05-07 01:35:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
In the early days of American business, eager beavers who wanted to make loads of money — guys such as Jesse James or Billy the Kid (whose close friends just called him "The") — went into the lucrative field of outlawing.Outlawing was a true growth industry, especiall......
2008-04-30 01:45:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
For a few minutes last week at Clipper Magazine Stadium, I felt like Mike Schmidt.Not that I was slugging balls over the left-field wall or fielding hot grounders off the bats of guys like Gary Carter or Willie Stargel. But I was standing in foul territory along the first-base line autogra......
2008-04-23 02:17:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
This is not going to be an easy year for me. My daughter is getting married.That's correct. The little girl I've been writing about all these years will be wed in October, which seems impossible considering she is just 8 years old. Well, at least to me, she's still just 8....
2008-04-16 01:47:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
As I write this, I'm fighting a bronchial infection that has plagued me for weeks with no sign that it wants to leave.For some reason, every cold germ cell in North America seeks me out as a likely host. I'm sure that somewhere there's a germ cell circulating my photograph.......
2008-04-09 01:49:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I'm getting old.I say this after the passing last week of Frances Hoover, my sixth-grade teacher at Fulton Street Elementary School in Ephrata.Mrs. Hoover was 102, which is amazing. I thought she was at least 102 when I had her in 1961.What brought about this realization ......
2008-04-02 02:26:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It's time again to draw your attention to recent news items, which are much funnier than anything I can come up with.I see where Armstrong World Industries is eliminating 100 more jobs.I find this story amazing. I didn't think Armstrong, once a major source of employment in Lancaste......
2008-03-26 02:16:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Donner wetter nochemol, what have I gotten myself into?A few weeks ago, I was at my desk, minding my own business, when an editor came to me with a press release from Lancaster Mennonite Historical Society announcing it was sponsoring classes on the Pennsylvania German (alias Pennsylvania ......
2008-03-19 02:55:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The big news right now is the approaching primary election pitting Hillary Clinton against Barack Obama. The election will be the first time in history that the Pennsylvania primary means a rat's tush in the overall scheme of American life.Election officials are expecting a good turnou......
2008-03-12 02:26:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Here's a news flash: According to a recent report by Council on Contemporary Families, when it comes to household chores, men aren't doing their fair share.Well, duh!I'm not sure why this report was done. Evidently there was some spare grant money lying around and someon......
2008-03-05 02:11:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Did you ever do something that made you feel young — and so old — at the same time?That's how I felt Saturday as I left American Music Theatre after having seen a show titled Teen Idols.The idols, in this case, were 1960s rock stars Gary Lewis of the Playboys, Micky ......
2008-02-27 02:33:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Even as I picked up the phone last week, I told myself what I was doing was stupid. Then I went ahead and dialed.I had been on the Internet, specifically amazon.com, where my book "Biggest Brother" is available (note the shameless plug), and ......
2008-02-20 02:27:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Have you ever stopped to wonder what people will think about you after you're gone, how they will view your life and your accomplishments?Me neither.At least not until Sunday evening, when I attended the viewing of a boyhood friend.I didn't think about my own mortalit......
2008-02-13 01:45:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
If ever you're looking for me but can't find me, try the new Hollywood Casino at Penn National Race Course in Grantville. I'll be the one sitting in front of the $100 slot machines.No, I won't be playing them, unless I've sustained a severe blow to the head. Instead, I&......
2008-02-06 02:45:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Some of the best years of my childhood were spent with Boy Scout Troop 38.And that's not just because of the scouting program, which featured camping and fellowship and learning life skills.A lot of the joy was because of my interaction with Scoutmaster Bob Hoffman.Bob wa......
2008-01-30 01:57:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Drive-through windows: Are they convenient, and do they save us time and energy?Those are the questions we hope to answer today. In fact, let's answer them right now:No!I came to this conclusion after a recent trip to my bank, which has both drive-through and walk-in serv......
2008-01-23 02:56:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I've been watching a lot of old TV shows lately, which makes sense because I am (GASP!) getting old.I recall when TV-viewing options were limited to four channels — 3, 6, 8 and 10, plus something called UHF. Today, through the wonder of DVDs, I am able to again see the shows I enjoye......
2008-01-16 01:48:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The following public-service message is brought to you by Kenny the Kar and this columnist."Hey, guys and girls! This is Kenny the Kar reminding you that when you drive, you should pay attention. Get into the car, turn on Mr. Motor and, using Mr. Gas and Ms. Brake pedals and Ms. S......
2008-01-09 02:21:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I might throw my hat into the presidential-nomination ring.If I do, I'll cross-file, not as both a Republican and Democrat, but as a "cross" voter. Most of us voters are cross at our elected officials, so why don't we just form a Cross Party? I'm sure we're the majority.I believe I ......
2008-01-02 01:58:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
When I was growing up in Ephrata in the 1950s, every winter I'd hear the town's Old Codgers make the same complaint."We don't get winters like we used to when I was a boy," they'd say. "It'd start snowing at Thanksgiving, and we've have it right through to Decoration Day." (Memorial Day wa......
2007-12-26 00:31:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
My New Year's resolution for 2008 is to get rich.I don't know how I'll do that, but it's my goal.It's not that I want a big house or a fancy car. And I certainly don't relish going into a higher tax bracket or having supposed "long-lost cousins" knocking on my door to tell me they n......
2007-12-19 01:54:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
We finally put up our Christmas tree. It's nothing elaborate, just a 4-foot artificial tree with lots of lights and very little ornamentation.It's not that we don't have ornaments. We have enough to decorate the National Christmas Tree. But we also have a cat who loves to push ......
2007-12-12 00:08:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
So let me get this straight: Santa Claus is a big, fat pig who shouldn't be allowed to inhabit the same planet as little children. OK, so maybe the acting U.S. surgeon general, Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson, didn't use those exact words in a story printed recently in the Boston Herald, but he migh......
2007-12-05 02:42:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
God made me write this week's column.At least I think it was God. I'm not as experienced in talking to the Lord as Richard Roberts is.Roberts, you may know, was president of Oral Roberts University until he resigned his post because, he said, God told him to do so.The Roberts......
2007-11-28 01:02:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today we rummage through Santa's sack seeking unique gift ideas for that special someone.No, I don't mean your spouse or significant other. I mean that person on your list to whom you want to convey the sincere and heartfelt message: "I got this for you because I had to get you somethi......
2007-11-21 01:05:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Someone once said, "Those who forget their history are destined to repeat it. Or at least do badly on their SATs."So with tomorrow being Thanksgiving, let's look at this important holiday that, to millions of Americans, has become synonymous with the phrase "long weekend......
2007-11-14 01:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I want to thank Paris Hilton, President Bush, Jackie Bibby, CNN and Michelle the Flying Cow. They helped make this week's column possible.
• • •
A funny thing happened to Paris Hilton on her way to Rwanda. She decided to go shopping inst......
2007-11-07 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Did you ever notice how sometimes things change, and yet they really don't?I'm referring to a story I did last week about Ephrata's rails-to-trails linear park, a 12-foot-wide walkway along which the borough has installed benches, lighting, trash receptacles and convenient woods to duck in......
2007-10-31 01:04:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Tonight's the night. It's Halloween. (ooooohhhhhh …)Ever since I was a kid, Halloween has been my second favorite time of year because, like Christmas, the season just has a certain mystique about it that really affects the imagination.Think about it. When the sun goe......
2007-10-24 00:47:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
If Amtrak had a suggestion box, I'd recommend that the company seriously consider equipping its passenger cars with ejector seats.This would enable riders to give the heave-ho to irritating people they are forced to sit beside.I certainly would have used it on my recent trip out wes......
2007-10-17 01:54:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Most of you don't know this, but I am writing a new book.Like "Biggest Brother," my biography of Maj. Richard Winters of "Band Of Brothers" fame, this is set in World War II. It's about a group of soldiers called the 6th U.S. Army Special Reconnaissance Unit, or the Alamo Scouts, an elite ......
2007-10-10 01:08:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
You'll have to excuse me if this week's column is something of a downer, but I had a very disconcerting thing happen to me last week.First, I need to explain that next to my house is a parking lot where I park my car. Adjacent to that is a house that has been converted into two apa......
2007-10-03 01:58:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
(Silence … more silence … why don't you get that second cup of coffee awhile? … still more silence.)Sorry I'm late for the start of this week's column, but I have to keep checking my mailbox here at the office. You see, President Bush is going to be speaking i......
2007-09-26 00:45:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
We Americans are the best-informed people in the world. If it's a question about world news, politics or whether our favorite beer tastes great or is less filling, we usually know the answer.But sometimes I think we know too much because we're told too much. Consider the side-effect warnin......
2007-09-19 02:33:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today, there is good news and bad.The good news? King Tut is still dead.I know this because I visited Philadelphia last week and saw the Tutankhamun exhibit at The Franklin Institute.I fully expected to find the display cases smashed, the artifacts gone and the security peopl......
2007-09-12 02:53:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I recently visited my barber, Doug, and got my hair trimmed. (I know, some of you think I never get near scissors.)Doug has cut my hair for a number of years, and I have known him since we were kids. He's also sorta related to me by marriage.Yeah, Doug can style your hair i......
2007-09-05 03:49:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
It's September, and you know what that means.Yes, it's fair season, so toss away that diet and make room for cotton candy and funnel cakes, because if you're not chowing down on calorie-filled fair food, you're not a true Lancaster county resident.I guess I'm a hayseed at heart beca......
2007-08-29 02:48:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Fires, hurricanes and earthquakes are terrible disasters, and the scenes of people left homeless in their wake is heartbreaking.Thankfully, organizations such as American Red Cross, Mennonite Central Committee and The Salvation Army provide relief for the suffering.But there is one ......
2007-08-22 02:30:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Among the requirements for being a professional journalist are the abilities to observe and question.For example, if Hershey, one of the world's biggest candy makers, closes its U.S. plants and starts making its chocolate goodies in Mexico, will Hershey's Kisses still be called Kisses? Or ......
2007-08-15 01:53:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Today we take stock of recent news events.After the deadly collapse of a "deficient" highway bridge near Minneapolis, it was revealed that 22 percent of Pennsylvania's bridges also are "deficient."On the upside, motorists can rest assured of their safety, say PennDOT officials, who ......
2007-08-08 00:47:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Well, they went and did it.An 11-person panel believes Lancaster County is in need of a new type of government.Our present form of government was established in 1729 by the wisest men of that day. Of course, those wise men also wore knee breeches and powdered wigs, so you knew the s......
2007-08-01 01:51:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Life happens in cycles.First we're born. We have few motor skills, and we stay pretty much where someone puts us, sort of like a human speed bump.As we get older, we become able to move about freely, at least until we hit 17 and Dad won't give us the car keys. From there, we move up......
2007-07-25 01:44:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
A few years ago my wife's college roommate, Joanne, visited us from upstate New York, bringing along her two teenage daughters. While they were here, we gave them a tour of Amish country, as required by state law (Article VI, Section 9, Paragraph 12, Row D, Seat 13).It was laundry day ......
2007-07-18 01:57:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong profession.According to Chuck Shepherd and his wonderful column, News of the Weird, The Wall Street Journal and The Independent of London reported the filthy rich — God bless them — are facing a shortage of manservants.That's correct. M......
2007-07-11 01:25:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I need to stop doing things that make me mad. Among them is attending car cruises.You know what a car cruise is, right? It's an event to which people — and by people, I mean guys — bring classic cars and then sit around on folding chairs listening to passers-by who don't have t......
2007-07-04 00:01:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The first portion of this column is brought to you by Bud's Toaster Repair, the official toaster-repair service of the Lancaster Barnstormers.I first decided to seek sponsorships for this column while at Clipper Magazine Stadium watching a Lancaster Barnstormers double-header.......
2007-06-27 01:30:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
We had to put Rascal, our 16-year-old cat, to sleep.We got Rascal shortly after the death of Spunky, who died at age 19 from kidney failure. Our veterinarian, knowing of our loss and possibly not wanting to lose a customer, told us one of the cats at his farm had a litter of kittens and we......
2007-06-20 01:17:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
I'm not going to stoop so low as to say "I told you so," but I read with interest a recent news article about how children have forgotten how to play.I've been harping on this for years.The article states children today are unfamiliar with such outdoor games as kickball, hopscotch, ......
2007-06-13 00:38:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Having written a nonfiction book two years ago, I am now considering trying my hand at fiction. However, fiction is difficult in that you must start with a believable premise.For example, I had an idea for a novel about a young woman named London Hampton, a wealthy hotel heiress.For......
2007-06-06 01:35:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
What's with all the fuss about 2007 being the 30th anniversary of the movie "Star Wars?"Sure, it was a good movie, but I think 2007 plays host to a much more important anniversary, one that changed society and helped mold a generation of teenagers into a bunch of long-haired,......
2007-05-30 01:12:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
The Memorial Day holiday is over, and while it was certainly a nice three-day weekend, I still didn't have time to do all the things I had hoped to do. For example, I never had the chance to fire up my grill.Barbecuing is a male rite of passage older even than Mike Wallace. It began eons a......
2007-05-23 01:31:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
People often ask me, "Is your column the only thing you do for the newspaper?"I wish.Sadly, I am also expected to create news stories containing actual facts.But this is column Wednesday, so let's look at the news the way I'd like to write it....
2007-05-18 02:05:00
STAFF REPORT
They're not the Greatest Generation, but they are an incredible simulation.The Lancaster County Historical Society will host its annual World War II encampment this weekend.More than 75 re-enactors representing both Allied and Axis soldiers and civilians will set up canvas tents and......
2007-05-16 02:06:00
LARRY ALEXANDER
Being a movie buff today is so cool. With video tape and DVD, you can have almost any film you want to see right at your fingertips.As I mentioned last week, being a movie lover in the prevideo era was tough.You actually had to go to a theater to see a movie, although at 25 cents fo......
2007-05-09 01:12:00
Larry Alexander
After spending a hard day here in the office trying to come up with stupid jokes, I love going home, sticking a tape or DVD into its appropriate player and watching a movie.But what movie to watch is often difficult because over the years my wife and I have amassed a film library that woul......
2007-05-02 00:58:00
Larry Alexander
My daughter is a college student majoring in history, and she's taking a course on the Renaissance. The class has proven difficult.I had warned Sarah about this. As a college-trained historian myself, I knew the Renaissance was about as exciting as watching mud harden.Such courses h......
2007-04-25 00:49:00
Larry Alexander
Today we will review stories from real life, because I can't make up stuff that's this good.Let's start with Republican Heidi Wheaton. I'm not a Wheaton supporter, but my hat is off to her — it's a Phillies hat, which makes removing it easier — for her recent comments during a ......
2007-04-18 00:53:00
Larry Alexander
(This column was inspired by Terry Duffin, a reader and fellow deep thinker who has nothing better to do over his lunch break than think of stuff like this.)Soon after the invention of the automobile, people started putting stickers on their cars. (Henry Ford's first flivver h......
2007-04-11 00:39:00
Larry Alexander
I'm enjoying my second childhood. Or my third. Or maybe it's my fourth; it's difficult to tell.Last week I was browsing in The Fun-est Toy Store Ever!, in downtown Ephrata. I like this store because it not only sells hard-to-find toys but also retro toys, which I, despite my ag......
2007-04-04 00:01:00
Larry Alexander
One of my favorite TV ads features a family preparing to eat breakfast. The teenage daughter is near the refrigerator, and a teenage son and Mom are at the table with Dad, whose face is buried in a newspaper.It is a common family scene repeated in millions of homes across America each day.......
2007-03-28 00:34:00
Larry Alexander
I recently read there are 10 million bacteria in a liter of milk.That number almost matches the population of Greece. But if you put 10 million Greeks into a liter of milk, you'd need a really big bottle.I thought about this for a while.I tried to imagine 10 million bacte......
2007-03-21 00:55:00
Larry Alexander
Today is the first full day of spring, and unless the government changes our calendar — as it did with the new-and-improved daylight-saving time — summer will be close behind, and you know what that means.After a winter of grumbling about how cold it is and how we wish it were ......
2007-03-14 00:42:00
Larry Alexander
Because of my line of work, I sometimes become involved in, shall we say, peculiar events.On Saturday night, I was a judge at the Mid-Atlantic District Barbershop Quartet competition, held at Lancaster Host Resort.I agreed to be a judge, thinking it might be a cool way to spend an e......
2007-03-07 01:28:00
Larry Alexander
Are you as glad as I am that they finally buried Anna Nicole Smith?I thought so.In case you just arrived in 2007 via time machine from the year 640 B.C., Smith, a model and possible actress, died suddenly Feb. 8, touching off a bizarre fight over what to do with her body. The fight ......
2007-02-28 01:05:00
Larry Alexander
The following is a public-service message from radio stations in Lancaster County:"Hey! It's baseball season again, and for all of you county residents who like to listen to the Philadelphia Phillies on radio, all we can say is, 'Tough Patooties! You can't hear them he......
2007-02-21 01:19:00
Larry Alexander
Like most Americans, I owe my way of life to U.S. foreign-trade policies.For instance, my TV, VCR, DVD player and stereo system were made in Japan. I'm sure my sneakers were made in India. Or maybe China. That's because we have what economists call a "global market." Comp......
2007-02-14 00:54:00
Larry Alexander
Let's have a show of hands: Is there anyone out there who didn't add his or her name to the list of applicants seeking to replace outgoing County Commissioner Pete Shaub?That's what I thought. Me, too. Good luck to all of us.As you no doubt know, Shaub is stepping down t......
2007-02-07 03:34:00
Larry Alexander
In last week's column I discussed marching with a bunch of peaceniks during the March on Washington anti-war rally at the nation's capital.An ocean of humanity gathered Jan. 27 on the Mall, with most marchers waving signs such as "End the war now" and "Down with the Bush regime."A s......
2007-01-31 01:11:00
Larry Alexander
When my wife suggested we participate in last Saturday's anti-war march in Washington, D.C., I thought, "What a totally outrageous and disrespectful way to thumb your nose at President Bush's Iraq war policy."So I said, "Heck, yeah. Sign me up."The peace ......
2007-01-24 01:41:00
Larry Alexander
It's almost that time of year again: Another birthday is staring me in the face, and it's sticking out its tongue.
It's funny how one's feelings about birthdays evolve. When I was a kid, birthdays were times of adventure, parties and fun, and, best of all, birthday gifts. Also, you cou......
2007-01-17 00:32:29
Larry Alexander
I initially thought this was a mistake, but now I’m certain it’s part of President Bush’s new troop “surge” for Iraq. I mean, who better to send to war than soldiers who are already dead? They don’t gripe about conditions, officers, food or pay.
In fact, this could start a whole new trend in ...
2007-01-10 01:11:38
Larry Alexander
Wait a minute. Nobody voted for him. He kind of just appeared.
Prior to Ford, we were governed by Richard Nixon and His Traveling Sleaze Show. And nobody in that crew was sleazier than the man Ford would replace, Vice President Spiro Agnew, who could enter a room by oozing under the door. ......
2007-01-05 00:44:02
Larry Alexander
Specifically, the show is about the girl groups and female vocalists who helped make the ’60s popular music’s dynamic decade.
“Beehive” features eight very talented young ladies who wear a total of 43 wigs over the course of the show and guide the audience through a two-hour musical salute as...
2007-01-04 01:20:05
Larry Alexander
In his State of the City address, Gray, along with city police Chief Sam Gatchell, discussed initiatives they hope will improve the quality of life in Lancaster.
But it wasn’t a rosy picture.
For one thing, Gray said, the city has to “stop living off our savings” and find more viable s...
2007-01-03 01:30:48
Larry Alexander
On Jan. 9, Lancaster City Council will likely vote to sell the Lancaster Press building at North Prince and West Lemon streets to Lancaster Press Partners, a partnership consisting of Wagman Construction, Drogaris Cos., Tippetts/Weaver Architects Inc., Susquehanna Real Estate and Fourth River Develo...
2007-01-03 01:01:00
Larry Alexander
The holidays are over, and if you're like most of us, you've spent the last week overindulging in turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, eggnog and cookies over Christmas and pork and sauerkraut for New Year's.
And if you're like most of us, after all that feasting, no matter what you weighed De...
2006-12-27 00:03:30
Larry Alexander
When I sat in with them last week, one guy told me he’d been talking to a military recruiter and mentioned to him how harsh basic training was. The recruiter replied that things have changed. Today’s recruits, he said, have a card they can hold up to indicate “if they feel stressed.”
In truth...
2006-12-20 01:07:37
Larry Alexander
Voice: Thank you for calling the North Pole. Your call is very important to us. If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time. Otherwise, please listen carefully as our options have changed. Not really, but we have to say that to prolong this automated message.
Press ......
2006-12-14 00:47:28
Larry Alexander
These items, once carried by U.S. Army Master Sgt. Robert V. Layton, are all his daughter, Judith Saylor of Millersville, has to remember her father, personal belongings straight to her from a grave half a world away.
Missing in action in Korea since December 1950, Layton’s skeletal remains, ...
2006-12-13 00:56:09
Larry Alexander
It started Sunday when he and the first lady hosted a gala event in the White House’s East Room, a festive room where dead presidents sometimes lay in state.
The event was formal, and Laura Bush donned a stunning red dress designed by Oscar de la Renta. (Or maybe it was Oscar Mayer.) Either w...
2006-12-06 01:12:12
Larry Alexander
First, Dan, I’m sorry you’re so offended by the photo that accompanies this column, but the picture is staying. I like it. If I’m still writing this column when I’m 85 years old, the photo will remain.
I am troubled, Dan, that it makes you so ill you “barf” your morning bacon and eggs “all ov...
2006-12-05 01:41:19
Larry Alexander
The department plans to hire no new officers in 2007, police Chief Sam Gatchell told Lancaster City Council Monday night at its first in a series of budget hearings.
Gatchell said he will promote one officer to sergeant but not replace that officer on the street. He also plans not to fill ano...
2006-12-01 17:55:33
Larry Alexander
Based on the Old Testament, the show, now onstage at Main Theater in Ephrata, covers the first nine chapters of the Book of Genesis in the form of an enchanting family musical.
Writer John Caird and composer-lyricist Stephen Schwartz retell the story of humans from the moment of Creation unti...
2006-12-01 17:55:00
Larry Alexander
Rob Brock is happy to be a part of the Ephrata Performing Arts Center's holiday production of "The Sound of Music."
Not only does he get to reprise a role he played in the past, but he gets a chance to work with actors who can speak their own lines without his help.
Brock, the ...
2006-12-01 02:41:00
Larry Alexander
The city’s traffic lights, now linked by fiber-optic cable, are being plagued by glitches in software that is supposed to keep them synchronized.
The problems affect nearly all the city’s 108 traffic signals, but they’re most noticeable at 11 intersections in northwestern Lancaster. At these ...
2006-11-30 19:23:42
Larry Alexander
Fusion is a five-blade razor that combines modern space-age technology with the very latest methods of charging the highest price possible for replacement blades.
Automotive giant Henry Ford once observed that he could give cars away if he could control the price of the parts. I guess Ford ne...
2006-11-22 00:44:24
Larry Alexander
That’s because O.J. Simpson, the man who was acquitted of murdering the two in 1995 thanks to a legal loophole known as jurismatus ignoramious, or “stupid jury,” planned to come out with a new book.
The 240-page volume, which was to be released Nov. 30 but was canceled — yes, the......
2006-11-15 01:36:43
Larry Alexander
The biggest news, of course, is the election, with Democrats sweeping aside Republicans and winning every post from Speaker of the House on down to the guy who puts urinal cakes in Senate lavatories.
One of the biggest losers was our senator, Rick “I’m-Outta-Here” Santorum, who was defeated b...
2006-11-08 03:03:16
Larry Alexander
Now to the column.
If you are like me, you are always looking for ways to acquire more money. We can’t help it; it’s who we are.
Who among us has not dreamed of being obscenely rich and living in a mansion the size of Luxembourg? A house that has at least seven bathrooms, none of which...
2006-11-01 01:09:42
Larry Alexander
I plan to vote just so I can do my part in helping to shut up those politicians.
Are you as fed up with the negative campaigning as I am?
There was a time when candidates didn’t have to slice and dice each other’s character to get elected. Instead, they campaigned on actual issues. ......
2006-10-25 00:33:57
Larry Alexander
That’s the place I find myself now, not because I hate my job (God, I can’t believe they pay me for this!) but because I know deep in my heart I could get used to loafing around like a bum.
For 11 days I spent an inordinate amount of time hanging around home, looking at work that needed to be...
2006-10-18 01:37:21
Larry Alexander
Take car names, for example. I’m fine with such names as Chevy Blazer and Ford Mustang. These are examples of American companies giving American names to overpriced American cars.
But the other day I was behind a Hyundai Tucson.
Huh? Hyundai is a Korean company. That would be like buyi...
2006-10-11 01:35:57
Larry Alexander
Yet, amid the tragedy, there were rays of hope.
First, there was the public response, not just from Lancaster County residents, but from people across the nation, as everybody shared a sense of grief with the Amish people. In fact, the massacre pulled people together unlike anything I’ve ever...
2006-10-04 00:30:16
Larry Alexander
What I had written was fairly light and breezy, but light and breezy is not how I feel after spending much of Monday in the midst of heartache and tragedy.
I was one of the team of Intell reporters covering the sad events in Bart Township, when a disturbed man took a classroom full of Amish c...
2006-09-27 00:26:38
Larry Alexander
No, not falling leaves that must be cleaned up with a leaf blower. In fact, if I had my way, anyone caught using a leaf blower would be arrested and forced to undergo a mandatory re-education program to make them understand blowing leaves out of your yard is stupid. That’s because Mother Nature has ...
2006-09-20 00:58:38
Larry Alexander
After all, most of the cars I’ve owned have been Chrysler products — that’s because my dad taught me right.
No, the reason I’m considering a GM car is because the new ones have a unique feature I find useful: They fly.
You might think I’ve been spending my time in the hardware st...
2006-09-13 00:23:17
Larry Alexander
She’s a newsperson, just like thousands of others, including yours truly. OK, maybe she’s perkier than I am, but she still puts her pants on every morning just like I do.
Well, maybe not exactly the way I do, but you know what I mean.
So what if she’s the first woman to be the solo anc...
2006-09-06 00:26:51
Larry Alexander
This is a conscious choice, for I believe for a newsperson to spend his or her vacation keeping up on the news is like Tiger Woods taking time off to go play golf.
So what happened while I was gone? Let’s see.
First off, 41-year-old former school teacher John Mark Karr was cleared of a...
2006-08-30 00:14:32
Larry Alexander
By kids, I mean there were no adults. Zero. No umpires, and no screaming parents on the verge of a stroke because their 9-year-old was not performing on a par with, say, Derek Jeter.
Just kids having fun.
I wondered how they chose sides. Did one team captain toss a bat to the other, wi...
2006-08-22 21:44:01
Larry Alexander
The owner of Hawk Valley Golf Club, Jim Fricke, wants to convert the golf course into a 159-home development, evidently because he realizes there’s more money in houses than in allowing people wearing ugly clothing to mercilessly strike a little white ball.
Living in homes near the course are...
2006-08-16 08:14:22
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Such drills featured Civil Defense alerts, so called because it would have been too alarming to call them what they really were -- Loud, Scary Sirens Heralding the Threat of Nuclear Destruction.
I was only 5 years old at the time, so I have no recollection of this specific drill, but I do...
2006-08-09 08:31:06
This is my wife's fault because she told me to get a hobby.
OK, so maybe she meant bowling as opposed to one in which men dress in wool clothes and shoot guns at each other, but she did not specify.
This is my 20th year as a re-enactor, which, if you're counting, is five times long...
2006-07-26 08:28:31
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
My apologies to Arkansas. And Illinois.
When Indiana was nicknamed the "Hoosier State," it sent folks scrambling for dictionaries to see just what the heck a "Hoosier" was. Most recently, Indiana is known as "The State That Almost Killed Cary Grant With a Crop Duster Plane."
Iowa i...
2006-07-20 09:58:31
Mary Beth Schweigert
They can only live in a radically revamped home for so long before they catch the uncontrollable urge to move on to another upgrade-starved abode. In 2004, the Pecks embarked on their fourth — and most ambitious — renovation yet: uniting two 1851 Lancaster city row homes into one free-flowing, we......
2006-06-28 08:29:39
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
We don't necessarily like to preserve the land on which the deeds occurred, however, especially if there's oil under it or the possibility for a housing complex. If we put a housing complex on the land, we give it some historic-sounding name, such as Battle of Concord Estates Phase III.
L...
2006-06-21 08:45:55
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Take, for example, the bad news state Rep. Scott Boyd just got.
Boyd is the guy behind a proposed amendment to the Pennsylvania Constitution that would, among other things, ban same-sex marriages and, at the same time, change the state motto to "To hell with civil rights."
Boyd's bill,...
2006-06-14 08:13:11
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Yeah, I know about the county's hard-core conservatism. I've experienced it all my life. But I like to think I have grown beyond it and can shrug it off with a smile and, thanks to this column, a few rim shots (badda-boom).
I like Lancaster County people, even those who consider broad-min...
2006-06-07 08:34:46
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had a baby.
I don't mean it's bad for Brad and Angelina. I'm sure their baby is a treasure to them and will cement their love and thereby extend their marriage another six months to a year.
I'm talking about the rest of us who, as we check out our groceries...
2006-05-24 08:19:09
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
To those of you worried the movie "The Da Vinci Code" will destroy your family, your church, your community and, ultimately, Earth, please note:
"It's fiction! The author made it all up. The only thing the controversy is accomplishing is to make Dan Brown a millionaire.
"If you rea...
2006-05-17 08:18:56
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
It features two kids under water looking up as assorted marine life swim overhead, and the kids are "ooohing" and "ahhhing" at what they see.
You don't know what the kids are doing until the camera cuts away and you see an SUV emerge from the ocean and drive onto the beach.
And, as it ...
2006-05-10 08:24:55
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Except the wind was not whipping through my hair, in part because there isn't much hair left for wind to whip through, plus we weren't going fast enough to stir up a breeze, let alone anything that could be dignified as wind.
The reason I was cruising through town in a Stingray was becaus...
2006-05-03 08:22:19
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Put away your mirrors. The sentence is not written backward. Instead, I am wishing you all good morning and, at the same time, honing my foreign-language skills, and for a very good reason.
Last week, my book, "Biggest Brother: The Life of Major Dick Winters, the Man Who Led the Band of B...
2006-01-25 08:08:43
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
That's right! Next year, many of us here in Lancaster County will go from being represented by one of the most powerful solons in Harrisburg to one who has less political clout than the guy who places disinfectant cakes in the Senate urinals.
That's why I am considering running for Wenger...
2006-01-13 08:18:46
Jeff Hawkes - Intelligencer Journal Staff
Most of the time his wife, Margaret, doesn’t mind. It gives him something to do, she says. And it amuses the grandchildren. They have seven.
Alexander, a retired education professor, is 76 and frail. His skin is translucent, his face taut and pale.
Ideas for poems don’t come lik......
2006-01-04 09:27:26
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
If we weren’t reporting on the scandal du jour in Washington, then it was the antics of our zany Lancaster County commissioners, led by Dick “Shecky” Shellenberger. So hold your noses and let’s take a nostalgic trip back in time.
- In January, President W. Bush got the ball rolling with h...
2005-12-28 08:39:59
Larry Alexander - Intelligencer Journal Staff
This odd reunion was the work of a fellow named Joe DeFranco. DeFranco is a retired Navy Seabee, which is a sailor who drives a bulldozer on land rather than live aboard a ship because he's smart enough to know that, in case of emergency, he can walk a lot farther than he can swim.
DeFran...
2005-12-21 09:37:48
Larry Alexander
In Washington, D.C., President Michael Jackson is holding a press conference to announce the Washington Monument will be illuminated by 800,000 strands of colored twinkle lights and topped with a gigantic Santa hat.
Placing a star atop the national Christmas tree, President Jackson celebrates...
2005-12-14 09:31:09
Larry Alexander
"Aren't you clever?" he wryly replied. "So, have you changed your mind about Christmas?"
"Not really," I said. "I still think people with an overabundance of holiday spirit should be allowed to work it off in a confined place, such as a prison or fitness center."
Sighing, he swooped me...
2005-12-06 13:35:39
Chad Umble
The boy didn’t go willingly at first. “I never wanted to be a barber,” Richard Alexander said. “I wanted to be a tractor-trailer driver and drive all over the country.” Yet 60 years after he started work in the shop, Alexander says his father may have known best when he forced the barber’s she......
2005-11-30 09:33:33
Larry Alexander
I mean, here I am, a college-trained historian and longtime Civil War re-enactor, and until I saw the supermarket tabloid, I'd never heard of the winter cavalry battle at Lake Arthur, Pa., in which both sides broke through the ice and froze. Then, miraculously, 141 years later they thawed and came b...
