Ask your teenage daughter what she loves about herself. Try it.
Miley Cyrus, who sparked controversy after racy photos were published, signs autographs for her core f
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Her hair?
Her complexion?
Her nose?
Her eyes?
Her soul?
You may be surprised. Like many teenage girls, her self-esteem just might not be as high as you think.
Oh, and it has NOTHING to do with Miley Cyrus.
The 15-year-old Disney star, whose risqué Vanity Fair photo shoot outraged parents recently, is not the problem.
I am the problem. And most likely, you are, too.
I was holding the Miley Cyrus photo in my hand as I discussed the impact of the media with my students last week.
A student raised her hand. The normally confident teen's voice dropped as she replayed a conversation she and her friends had at a sleepover the weekend before.
"Teenage girls are so critical of themselves," she admitted. "My friends and I could only come up with a small list of qualities that we loved about ourselves. It's so sad."
Another girl in the class nodded. By the end, almost every girl admitted she felt the same way.
Sad, indeed.
We are sexualizing our teens like never before. Technology is allowing us to easily manipulate the images that appear in magazines, on TV, across billboards. As a result, we are creating perfection. And we are selling this perfection as reality.
Have you looked at the magazines selling prom dresses? Have you looked at the senior picture packages lately?
As a parent and teacher, I am outraged with media outlets and business conglomerates that continue to poison our children for profit. But I am outraged even more with myself for allowing it. I am doing nothing to stop it.
And most likely, you aren't either.
"I trusted Disney," a mother complained in a recent news story about the Cyrus photo. "I feel betrayed."
Betrayed? This is the same company that aired a profanity-laced Bobby Knight show on ESPN in 2002. I can still remember how my ninth-grade boys gleefully talked about it the next day.
This is the same company whose billboards of lingerie-clad teenagers currently line streets in China.
Betrayed? Not really. Disney is a business.
Besides, Disney isn't the problem. I am, and here's why.
My children watch Disney religiously. And just recently, Melissa and I once again had the "When are we going to go to Disney?" discussion.
What is wrong with me?
Like most parents, I am torn between living in today's world and doing what is truly best for kids. And therein lies the problem. I am too selfish to change, because changing may disrupt my life.
If a parent really cared about the Miley Cyrus photos, for example, he would cancel his subscription to Vanity Fair. After all, it was Vanity Fair and its famous photographer that sold the images.
And if a parent really, really cared, he'd cancel his other subscriptions, too. Goodbye, GQ and Modern Bride and Glamour and Vogue and Golf Digest and the many other Conde Nast publications.
But that would disrupt our lifestyle or hurt our golf game.
Is Conde Nast to blame? Are the advertisers whose products grace those pages to blame? No. If I support them, I am to blame.
Parents today are like abused spouses. Sure, he hits me, but he still loves me and is nice sometimes. Parents ignore the occasional beatings from the media or big business, because we are scared to leave it behind.
So we rationalize things. "We must teach our children how to avoid it," we say. "We must change the channel."
I agree, to an extent. But the problem is, we're not changing the channels. And we're not doing a good job of teaching avoidance, because we are trying to teach our kids how to prepare for a war while they are fighting it.
They are navigating this world. It is up to us to protect them.
I remember when Ava took her first steps. We babyproofed the living room and held out our arms so she wouldn't hit the table when she fell. And fall she did. But falling was safe.
Why don't we clear the obstacles until our teens learn how to navigate their confusing worlds? Why don't we teach them what the obstacles are before they bump into them?
Though I question its authenticity, Dove soap is trying to do something about it with its "pro-woman" campaign. It is impressive, especially the commercial exposing the superficiality of a model on a billboard.
But there is a problem. Dove's parent company also owns Axe Body gel, whose commercials employ the same questionable tactics Dove criticizes.
Trying to raise girls' self-esteem, Seventeen magazine has a "Body Peace" treaty for girls to sign. One of my students just showed me the magazine. When I flipped over the page that explained the concept, what did I see? A half-naked young woman in a Hawaiian Tropic ad — one of many, many questionable pictures.
Hypocritical? Sure. But it is not up to Dove's parent company or Seventeen magazine to teach our children.
It is our job as parents to empower our children, to raise their self-esteem and to keep their world safe until they are old enough to handle it on their own.
I can't fault Dove or Axe or Miley's parents or Disney or Vanity Fair or Seventeen or any of the companies. They're just doing their jobs. I have to start doing mine.
Joe Vulopas is a freelance writer whose column appears every other Monday in Your Life. He lives in Lititz. You may e-mail Joe at: jvulopas@aol.com.
