MOMMY WARS

VP nominee triggers new debate over children and work; suddenly, the political sides on issue are switched

Sunday News

Published: Sep 07, 2008
00:20 EST

Lancaster

By SUZANNE CASSIDY, Staff

It doesn't take much to reignite the so-called Mommy Wars, so when Sarah Palin walked onto the national stage, American women steeled themselves for another round in the ever-simmering debate over motherhood and paid work.

And sure enough, the debate was quickly joined, as women across the country pondered the question of whether it's possible to help lead the free world, while also raising a large family, including a child with special needs. Everyone from Dr. Laura to Phyllis Schlafly to novelist Jane Smiley weighed in.

Palin, the governor of Alaska, and the Republican vice-presidential nominee, has emphasized her every-mother credentials, by describing herself as a "hockey mom" and former PTA parent.

She has been portrayed as a kind of modern-day, moose-hunting Annie Oakley, who effortlessly juggles the demands of raising her family with the demands of governing.

Brenda Tankesley, an East Hempfield Township mother of four, said she approves of Palin's apparent self-confidence. "I'd rather her be strong like that than be wimpy, and 'Oh, how am I going to do this?'"

The reality, though, is that Palin is no ordinary mom. She has, for starters, more children than most moms have, and her five include a 4-month-old infant with Down syndrome, and a pregnant, teenaged daughter.

So perhaps it's the size of her brood, or the scale of the job Palin hopes to get, or a combination of those factors, which has led some women to question Palin's choices, even as other women insist that such questioning is sexist.

"It's the Mommy Wars: Special Campaign Edition," declared The New York Times, noting, "This time, the battle lines are drawn inside out, with social conservatives, usually staunch advocates for stay-at-home motherhood, mostly defending her, while some others, including plenty of working mothers, worry that she is taking on too much."

Ellen Galinsky, the president and co-founder of the Families and Work Institute, a research organization in New York, described Sarah Palin as a "Rorschach candidate," who is seen by people through the prism of their own choices and political views.

Galinsky said she believes it is fair to judge a political candidate — male or female — on the basis of "what they value. ... I think it's fair to look at how they handle their work and family life."

The Democratic vice-presidential nominee, Joe Biden, commuted daily from his Delaware home to Washington, D.C., by train, so he could care for his two sons, after their mother died in a car accident.

Palin's husband, Todd, is an oil field worker, who according to press accounts, is on leave.

Lauren McClain, an Ephrata mother of two, who works with autistic children, said, of Palin, "Obviously, she thinks she can do it, so why not?"

Karen Ingraham, of Warwick Township, is a bank manager and mother of a grown son with Down syndrome. She said she hopes Palin will advocate for people with special needs. But as she watched the Republican National Convention last week, Ingraham said she kept hearing speakers talk about getting "big government out of our lives."

People with special needs rely on the government's help, in getting funding for residential placements and other services, she said, noting that the waiting lists for group homes are terribly long.

Darlene McWilliams, of Lancaster, is a fifth-grade teacher and the mother of three, including a 22-year-old son who has Down syndrome.

McWilliams said many people with Down syndrome have heart, intestinal and other health problems. Her own son did not, but he did need intensive therapies — speech, physical, occupational — from infancy.

She said parents of Down syndrome children generally need some time to mourn the child they expected to have. So, she said, she would be "concerned about anybody going through this."

Kathi Shaffer, of Hempfield Township, has three young daughters, including an 8-year-old with Down syndrome. She said Palin may not yet fully understand what raising a child with such a significant special need entails.

"This is going to be a journey for her," Shaffer said.

She said she was pleased to see Palin's baby, Trig, on stage at the Republican National Convention. "I'm proud she takes him out and doesn't treat him differently than any other of her children," she said.

But Shaffer, who works part time as a Montessori teacher, said, "The position Sarah is hoping to get, I cannot imagine. I couldn't do it personally. ... She may do a great job, but I couldn't do it."

McWilliams said, "I'm hoping her husband is a support. ... She has to have some support to do everything well."

In any case, McWilliams said, she does not intend to judge Palin on her mothering skills.

"I'm going to look at what she can do to to help John McCain, and what kind of president she would be, if she had to step into those shoes – not what kind of mother she is," McWilliams said. "She's not going to be my mother."

Two details
But even moms who were reluctant to criticize Palin looked askance at two particular details in Palin's maternal biography — details the governor herself has made known.

According to The Washington Post, Palin noticed that "her amniotic fluid was leaking right before she gave a speech in Texas last April."

Palin stuck to her plan to deliver her speech, and then boarded an eight-hour flight to Anchorage, Alaska. On landing, she and her husband made the 45-minute drive to their hometown medical center. Her baby, Trig, whom she knew would have Down syndrome, was born seven hours later.

"She should have thought about her unborn child," Kathi Shaffer said. "I think people would have understood if she didn't give the speech."

When a woman's water breaks, there is a risk of infection, said Jessica Gordon, a Manor Township mother of three, and a second-year student at Lancaster General College of Nursing & Health Sciences. By not going immediately to the nearest hospital, Gordon said, "Not only did she put herself at risk, she put her baby at risk."

The other aspect of Palin's story that has generated controversy is this: The governor has made it clear that maternity leave is not her thing. She returned to work quickly after the birth of 7-year-old Piper, and after Trig's birth, too.

"I had Piper on a Monday, and I was back to work on a Tuesday. I even brought her to work with me," The Washington Post quoted Palin as saying.

After Trig's birth, The Post reported, "she was at her desk within a few days, baby in tow and crib in her office."

"I was just talking to my older sister," said Michelle Newswanger, an Ephrata mother of two young children. "She said, 'Are we going to be expected to go back to work three days after giving birth?' "

Newswanger was among the local moms who went Thursday to hear Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama speak in Buchanan Park. "As a feminist, I totally agree that women should have the right to do whatever they want," Newswanger said.

But as her mother always tells her, Newswanger said, "We can do it all — but we can't do it all at once."

The governor, she said, may be able to bring her baby to work with her, but unless she wants to make the rights she enjoys "available for everybody, I don't really want to hear about it," Newswanger said.

'Vigorously employed'
Audrey Roth-Kraybill, a Manheim Township mother of four, was also at the Obama rally. As a feminist, she was reluctant to criticize Palin, but she said she did question her decision to be "so vigorously employed."

Roth-Kraybill said she chose to stay home with her kids when they were young. But, she said, "I would not tell her what she should do. ... If she wants to live her life that way, that's her prerogative."

Bahilya McFadden, of East Lampeter Township, who was at the Obama rally with her 7-year-old son, Jehlan, said she thinks Palin is being painted as some sort of Supermom. Palin has publicized the fact that she fired the chef at the governor's mansion, and according to The Washington Post, no one can recall her "ever having a full-time baby sitter."

If Palin can have it all, and do it all, it's because she has resources ordinary working moms do not have, said McFadden, a former state worker turned full-time college student, who said she sometimes feels she doesn't have enough hours in the day to get everything done.

Janine Richard, a Lancaster mother of two preschoolers, said she and her husband, Josh, both have tailored their work situations with their children in mind. She works an overnight shift in the admissions office of Lancaster General Hospital, and goes to nursing school two evenings a week. He is a high school teacher.

"You need to decide what comes first, and for me, I know what my decision is," Josh Richard said.

Janine Richard said she is mystified as to how Palin will reconcile the demands of the vice presidency with the demands of parenthood. "The vice presidency never shuts off, and being a parent never shuts off," she said.

Hockey moms
But at a practice of the Lancaster Firebirds at Lancaster Ice Rink, some of Palin's fellow hockey moms — "pit bulls with lipstick," according to Palin's definition — had nothing but praise for the Alaska governor.

"She is amazing," Laurie Meiskey said. "She's making me rethink the whole thing."

Asked whether she thought Palin could be both mother and veep, Meiskey said, "Of course. Why not? She'll juggle. ... We all do it, every day."

Men never are asked how they're going to juggle their family and home responsibilities, and their career demands, she asserted.

Sue Witmyer, an office manager and Warwick Township mother of two, said, "I think the media are too hard on women. I think they raise more questions about women's responsibilities than they do about men's."

Fellow hockey mom and working mom Brenda Tankesley agreed. "I think women are judged differently than men, period."

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Suzanne Cassidy is a staff writer for the Sunday News. Her e-mail address is scassidy@lnpnews.com.