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All three did anyway.
Even though Hambrick disliked that her dad was always on call; even though the family had to come home from vacation so her dad could conduct a funeral; even though their time was not their own, "the rewards outweigh the negatives," she said.
Hambrick believes her role as the Rev. Dr. B.W. Hambrick's wife is a calling from God. It's good she does, because being married to a clergy person can be a tough job.
Spouses, male or female, endure long hours required by the minister's or rabbi's job. Husbands and wives of clergy can be impacted by the congregation's expectations, criticisms and endless need.
Being married to a religious leader certainly puts the spouse in the public eye in a way that few other professions do. Yet local spouses interviewed said the pressures are manageable, especially if the clergyperson keeps his or her family first and congregations give spouses freedom to fit in where they feel comfortable.
Some spouses, such as Buci Sackett, wife of orthodox rabbi Shaya Sackett, are as committed to their spouse's work as the religious leaders are.
"A rabbi's wife, known as a rebbetzin, supports her husband in whatever he does," Sackett said. In the Sacketts' case, their joint mission is to bring people closer to Judaism and, in the process, bring holiness or spirituality into the world.
To that end, Sackett has been involved at Degel Israel congregation's youth group and preschool. She makes sure the kitchen is kosher and teaches Hebrew classes. She accompanies her husband on sick visits and frequently entertains."Any member of a congregation would like to see an active rebbetzin," Sackett said. Being active fits well with who she is, she said, because she enjoys helping people.
Letting a spouse fit into the congregation according to their own gifts seems to be key to the satisfaction of the men and women married to ministers.
Some pastors set that boundary for their spouses. Hambrick's husband, who has held numerous pastorates and currently ministers at Ephrata Church of the Nazarene, would tell the church board during his interview that they were hiring him, not his wife. Currently she works as his secretary, but for many years she did not, preferring to fit in behind the scenes.
Even if the spouses do have freedom to fit into the congregation where they wish, most still have to deal with the fluctuating 60- to 70-hour work week, sometimes more, depending on what crisis or event is happening.
"People say they can't wait for the weekend — What weekend?" said Jere Bender, whose wife is the Rev. Carol Bender, senior pastor at Christ Church United Church of Christ in Elizabethtown. She normally takes off Wednesday, but then there are those funerals, he said.
Spouses are left to figure out how to find time with their own husbands and wives.
"It's a very, very lonely existence," said one pastor's wife, who asked not to be identified. "I had to learn to be alone and be lonely."
She recognizes that her husband feels called by God to ministry in the church and in the community and she wants to respect that, she said. That's who he is, she said. You either live with it, or you don't.
(309) (36) (9) (7) (7) (7) (6) (6) (3) (2) (2) (2) (2)She fills up the lonely time by getting involved with other activities she enjoys.
Spouses can feel resentful, said the Rev. Judy Mastros, who leads a support group for pastors' wives and female church leaders. Wives sometimes see that the spouse is involved in everybody else's family but not necessarily their own.
Dale Reist, owner of Reist Popcorn Co. in Mount Joy, is married to the Rev. Pam Reist, associate pastor at Elizabethtown Church of the Brethren. He manages the demands on his wife's time by accompanying her as often as he can.
"I feel like I want to experience what my wife experiences, just so we have a common connection," Reist said. Therefore, he goes to wedding rehearsals, weddings, funerals and special events with his wife, whether or not he knows the person.
When his wife recently transferred from Lititz Church of the Brethren to Elizabethtown, he didn't think twice about changing churches with her, even though he had been a longtime member at Lititz and had friends there.
"I wanted to go to church where Pam serves," he said. "I want to support her, but I also want to be in the same social circles and be involved in the same activities. It's important for our marriage and for me."
Close friendships, which spouses need, can be tricky within the church, Mastros said. On one hand being too familiar can get you into trouble; on the other hand, "to be happy and full of joy as a pastor or wife (spouse), you have to be vulnerable."
Some spouses prefer to keep their closest friends outside the church, or they look to their siblings or the pastor as their confidant. Some have good friends within the church but keep the conversations within boundaries.
Spouses also have to carry confidences from people in the congregation but, at the same time, respect the confidences that people give the clergyperson.
Some feel an intense pressure to be a role model for the congregation, and others say they don't feel any more pressure than anyone else.
"A pastor's wife is always an example," said Hambrick, who raised three boys while her husband was a minister. "You really live in a glass house. Your actions and reactions are studied. It's important that you keep control."
Bender said he doesn't feel any pressure to prove himself to the congregation.
"If I live my life according to the way God wants me to, I think that's proof enough."
Becky Cornell is married to the Rev. Steve Cornell, senior pastor at Millersville Bible Church. They have four children, ages 16 to 23.
Cornell said she was able to define her role because she and her husband started the church with just seven people.
"Our congregation doesn't put undeserving expectations on the kids, which is a credit to (the congregation)," Cornell said.
Nevertheless, she does recognize that her family gets extra attention. The whole church knows the family, the children and everything that's happening. That can be good, Cornell said, in times of tragedy or celebration, but it does leave the family open to criticism as well.
Sometimes Cornell enjoys the anonymity she gets when she introduces herself to visitors:
"Hi, I'm Becky. Where are you from?" She chuckles when the same people realize later that she's married to the pastor and give her a much more enthusiastic response.
Cornell and other spouses are used to being referred to as the pastor's husband or the pastor's wife, and most don't mind.
"I'm very proud of my wife," Reist said. "I'm very proud to be her husband."
On the fringes of the cloth
As tough as being a clergy spouse can be, the job also comes with unexpected benefits.
• "I think I have a much greater awareness now of people's individual pain, trials and tribulations because of Pam's role. That's a benefit," Reist said.
• As busy as a pastor's schedule is, it can sometimes be a flexible one, which allows the Rev. Cornell or his wife to be at almost all the kids' games.
• The Cornell children get involved with their father's job in a way that most children can't.
• "I like seeing the rewards from (our) ministry," Hambrick said. She loves seeing people grow spiritually, especially those she and her husband have "poured themselves into."
• It provides a chance to travel to mission fields, nationally and internationally.
• Being married to the pastor keeps Bender involved and active in the church, and he learns to know all the newcomers to the church.
• "What a neat thing to show your children what love, compassion can do," Bender said.
E-mail: lespenshade@lnpnews.com
