Cue the "Dragnet" theme. The stories you are about to read are true; the names have been deleted to protect the embarrased from the double jeopardy of having their names in the newspapers again for their odd misdeeds. Taken from police files:
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• A Lancaster man, 35, and woman, 25, were charged with disorderly conduct when they had a "domestic dispute" in their vehicle in the drive-through of a Harrisburg Pike restaurant. The woman grabbed the keys, got out and walked away, leaving the man stuck in line.
• A Mountville man was charged with retail theft for driving away from a Manheim Pike store without paying $38.31 for the gasoline he had pumped. Six days earlier, at the same store, the 38-year-old pumped $12.76 worth of fuel without paying.
• A Lancaster juvenile took a paintball gun and paintballs at a Manheim Township store and stuck them in his backpack. Store employees spotted him and followed him into the parking lot, where the boy tried to hide in an unlocked van.
• Usually, bogus $20 bills show up here. At a Fruitville Pike store, a "customer," who was thinking big, passed a phony "Benjamin," a $100 bill.
Drunk pedaling• Never drink and drive, no matter what kind of vehicle you're operating. In Earl Township, a man, 40, rode his bicycle into a curb and was charged with public drunkenness.
• Also in Earl Township, a man was charged with "attempting to elude" police after he was seen driving on Route 23 in an all-terrain vehicle. Police said the 22-year-old turned off his lights when they tried to stop him and passed vehicles on the highway before he was caught in a field.
• A 22-year-old woman from Strasburg was cited for disorderly conduct for urinating in public in the first block of West King Street at 2:05 a.m. one Saturday.
• In Manheim Township, a $10,100 machine used to examine DNA was stolen soon after it was delivered and placed with other equipment on a pallet by the road. The machine was taken while other equipment was being moved into the business.
• A Leola man, 26, was charged with disorderly conduct after he blew his horn and tailgated a vehicle in East Lampeter Township. He followed the vehicle into a parking lot, blocked it and yelled obscenities and threats at the driver.
• On May 20, a Havre de Grace, Md., man, 26, who rode his bicycle 180 miles to Scranton to have sex with a 15-year-old girl he met online, was sentenced by a Lackawana County judge to one-to-four years in prison.
• A New Holland man was arrested after he showed up at a magisterial district judge's office to bail out a friend. A police officer "observed [the man, 52] was visibly intoxicated." The man's blood-alcohol count was .178 percent, more than twice the legal limit for driving.
• A Lancaster man reported that his wallet was stolen while he was working at a Manheim Township business. The thief later used one the man's credit cards at the same business.
Break a legI told daughter Abigail that I was invited to speak to the talented newspaper club at St. Leo the Great School.
The 13-year-old, ever supportive, gave me some advice: "Don't bore them to death."
Marv Adams can be reached by e-mail at madams@lnpnews.com or by mail: Sunday News, P.O. Box 1328, Lancaster, PA 17608-1328.
