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By creating a Blizzard called Oreo Cookie Jar, the brainiacs in DQ's Research and Development Department are finally admitting they can't concoct anything more using the world's most popular cookie. This is it, pal — the kitchen sink, the big finish, the fat lady is singing, drive home safely everybody.
Heck, they've already gone through (deep breath): the Oreo Blizzard, Mint Oreo Blizzard, Oreo Cheesequake Blizzard, Turtle Oreo Blizzard, Fudge Oreo Blizzard, Oreo Cake, Mint Oreo Cake, Cheesequake Oreo Cake, Turtle Oreo Cake and Oreo Brownie Earthquake Cake.
I can understand sticking with a good thing, but now DQ has done the ultimate. When you combine Oreo cookies and chocolate-chip cookie dough, worlds are colliding and the end is coming soon. It's the apocalypse, all right … of my diet.
Here's the blueprint: DQ's classic vanilla soft serve, Oreo bits, chocolate-chip cookie dough and deep, rich chocolate hot fudge. Make some room, I'm getting dizzy.
Total calories: 1,050. Fat grams: 41. Dietary fiber: 2 grams. Carbs: 154 grams. Manufacturer's suggested retail price: $3.49.
And that's for a medium, 16-ounce Oreo Cookie Jar Blizzard! More than 1,000 calories and 154 carbs for something medium? Oh, momma!
A large, 21-ounce Oreo Cookie Jar Blizzard — now you're getting into my territory — tops 1,300 calories. That's some dessert. Do you need me to go to the scoreboard for your DQ Half-Pound Flamethrower GrillBurger and fries?
But you know something? If you're going to toss a whole summer of dieting in a handbasket, the Oreo Cookie Jar Blizzard may be the one thing worth the cave-in.
DQ introduced Blizzards in 1985, when it discovered a way of gently swirling candy, fruit, nuts and cookies into its iconic soft serve without busting the mix-ins to smithereens. The swirl machine maintained the integrity of the candy and cookies, and if there's one thing we demand in the drive-thru, it's integrity. Well, integrity and extra napkins.
When you dig into a cup of DQ and Oreo cookies, you're into something good. And when you lace the dastardly dessert with hot fudge, it's time to unbuckle your belt and find a nice, soft couch. You aren't going anywhere for a while.
DQ knows Blizzards. They sell $750 million of them each year. The all-time most popular is — too easy — the Oreo Cookie Blizzard.
While the Oreo Cookie Blizzard fritzes out the cash register, there's nothing that isn't made better by adding hot fudge. Tossing in chocolate-chip cookie dough is almost criminal. This is one incredibly delicious thing to eat. Thank goodness I have willpower. I could have done two of them.
Here's a deal. If you click on www.dairyqueen.com and join the Blizzard Fan Club (don't worry, it's not exactly an exclusive country club — you'll get in), they'll send you a "buy one, get one free" coupon AND another coupon for a dollar off the Oreo Cookie Jar Blizzard. The calories are still the same — you'll just get filled up cheaper.
Now for you trivia buffs. Cookie jars were invented in England, and they were first called biscuit jars. Cookies are sometimes called biscuits in England. The Oreo cookie was invented by Nabisco in 1912, mainly for the British market. And it was first called the Oreo biscuit. See how this all comes together in one nice, round package?
Round — like you, if you eat too many Oreo Cookie Jar Blizzards. Go easy. One a week, OK?
Ken Hoffman's syndicated column appears Wednesdays.
